Guardian Monsters

  • Where Monsters Meet
    Guardian Monsters for Protection and Inspiration
  • Helpful Monsters. Grumpy Monsters. Monsters that sneeze, hoot and snore.
    But most of all... monsters made to protect & inspire you, your family and friends!

    What the heck is a Guardian Monster?
    I am so glad you asked. Perhaps you've heard of guardian angels -- those lovely, winged beings who
    guide and protect you? Well, when the job requires a specialized "monster point of view", these eager fellows step up! They may not be as attractive as their more famous counterparts, but they are very loyal and work hard on your behalf. Most of the time. They do have a wee tendency to get their feelings hurt if they are not feeling appreciated. And yes, they have been known to play a practical joke now and again, just to amuse themselves, BUT, for the most part, they are quite reliable and will be there when you need them.

    A word of caution: I have not yet met any guardian monster whom one might call pretty. They are not. In fact some can be downright ugly. Depending on their underlying natures and current mood, they might also appear grouchy, whiney, bad-tempered or exhibit any number of not-so-nice personalities. That is not their fault -- they were born that way. So, if you are looking for pretty, fairy-like, always-smiling, ever-friendly types of beings, this is most definitely not the place for you. These fellows, despite their diminutive stature, mean business. They were built to handle stress, anger, fear, all kinds of unpleasant feelings, and they look like it!

    Below are examples of the complete Guardian Monsters Alphabet series. To learn more each monster, their individual special powers and how they can help you, please visit my personal website at: OR my Etsy shop at:
  • This sleepy Guardian Monster is called Icckelby Slumberton.
    A great believer in the power of dreams, he displays a sweet, mild-mannered disposition when awake, which unfortunately, isn’t often.

    Potential Issues: He has a tendency to nod off during conversations lasting more than ten minutes. He may also spend countless hours dreaming about eating instead of actually eating, so when he wakes up he is usually extremely hungry. Also, if he falls asleep in the sun, the tips of his tail may sprout flowers.

    Rules of Etiquette:  Approach this monster quietly before attempting contact. When ready, gently whisper “hello” and “please wake up” into his ear. No one likes to be rudely shaken or shouted into consciousness and he is no exception. Within a few minutes of soft verbal nudges his eyes should open. Expect a yawn of epic proportions. Have lots of whipped cream or bowls of puffed rice on hand as he will undoubtedly be starving.

    PROTECTIVE POWERS: Nightmare Capture
    BENEFICIAL POWERS:  Lucid Dream Enhancement

    A complete detailed description of these unique powers at:
  • This grumbly Guardian Monster is called Grumptinkus Gripper.
    Personality: Loyal and protective, she is a proud member of the Elite Guardian Monster Patrol. Once you get past her “challenging” appearance, you will discover a devoted and steadfast friend.

    Potential Issues: A well-developed stubborn streak and unnerving growl. She has also, on occasion, displayed moments of extreme grumpiness. This is to be expected and accepted as an inherent part of her nature. Do not be offended or hold this against her. Just leave her alone to grump it out by herself. She will truly appreciate your understanding.

    Rules of Etiquette: Please be aware that she chooses whom she will assist or not. She selects her friends very carefully and will join you only if she considers you worthy. Once again, please do not be offended. She has extremely high standards and most who initially seek her friendship leave disappointed. Simply try again at a later date. (Author’s note: It took me three tries before she finally found me acceptable enough to assist. And we had already been friends for several months!! How’s that for picky!)

    PROTECTIVE POWERS: Negativity Assimilation
    BENEFICIAL POWERS: Determination Injection

    A complete detailed description of these unique powers at:
  • This sweet Guardian Monster is called Cosgrove Nostrillikus.
    Personality: Curious and friendly, his favorite occupation is discovery through the senses of smell and taste which provide endless hours of learning and entertainment. His easy going nature is often mistaken for simple or limited thinking, but do not be fooled. He is very intelligent and savvy.

    Potential Issues: He has a fondness for the colors orange or yellow and feels compelled to taste them even when they are clearly NOT sources of food. This may cause distress, perhaps even hostility, in those who have not been forewarned, especially if you happen to be wearing these colors. Unfortunately his sensitive nose, which is especially vulnerable to the acrid smells of anger, may cause him to break into a spell of violent sneezing. This is his body’s natural response to expel the offensive odor. Please do not take it personally.

    Rules of Etiquette: Do not wear clothing or jewelry in shades of orange or yellow during the initial introduction unless you enjoy being licked. He does not wish to offend you but may not be able to stop himself. Find a quiet room of neutral color, and then offer him a plate of carrot sticks and yellow jelly beans. That will satisfy his craving and allow him to focus on your issues. Try and relax. He really is there to help.

    PROTECTIVE POWERS: Fear and Phobia Eating
    BENEFICIAL POWERS: Transformational Inspiration

    A complete detailed description of these unique powers at:
  • This busy Guardian Monster is called Beethia Trumpetoff.
    Personality: She enjoys multi-tasking and has been seen arranging teapot collections, typing letters of introduction, washing and drying dishes and singing the latest country hit songs all at the same time! When she only has a few things to occupy her claws and no interesting thoughts to eavesdrop on, she delights in constructing new mathematical equations and debating any/all scientific theories. She is a very proud and active member of the Elite Guardian Monster Patrol.

    Potential Issues: She unfortunately bores easily, causing her to create her own entertainment, which may result in questionable behavior. Once she was caught teasing three elderly cats to complete exhaustion with bits of twine and colored yarn. Occasionally she experiences bursts of extreme energy which cause her to twirl in circles at high speed, collapsing in a dizzy, tangled pile of arms and ears. This is a harmless and necessary energy release for her, but can produce a feeling of seasickness in those silly enough to watch.

    Rules of Etiquette: When enlisting her help with a task, please do not issue orders or commands. This will only irk her. In a respectful, friendly tone, simply request the use of her many invaluable skills. Tell her your need or desired end result and leave the methodology to her. She has her own way of doing things and will not budge if she is feeling micro-managed. You may peek in occasionally to watch, but only offer compliments about her work. If something has gone awry or she is not completing her task to your satisfaction, distract her with an offer of a beverage or tasty morsel, then tell her that the project she has been working on has been cancelled. She may give you a dirty look as she departs, but as long as you have treated her nicely and offered her a parting gift of food, you need not worry for your safety.

    PROTECTIVE POWERS: Thought Acquisition
    BENEFICIAL POWERS:  Emotional Preparation & Healing

    A complete detailed description of these unique powers at:
  • This Guardian Monster is called Lorcan Blitherish. He has a twin brother named Lunn.
    Personality: The word “eager” best describes this dynamic duo. Working as a team, they leap into action, racing one another to do your bidding. They love the physical and mental challenge of locating your missing stuff. It doesn’t matter if you want them to find a misplaced toothbrush or a long-lost diamond ring; both are seen as great adventures. Boundless energy and enthusiasm, plus a ferocious need to acquire things, keep them on their toes and ready to assist at a moments notice.

    Potential Issues: They can be rather possessive of the items they retrieve. Sometimes they simply do not want to turn over the “spoils” that they have uncovered. Luckily there is an easy fix. Give them something for their efforts besides a thank you. Anything. Give them a toasted peanut for the favorite lost earring they have found. Or a marble for the stolen wallet they have recovered. Getting “paid” with stuff for doing a job they love placates their avaricious nature.

    Rules of Etiquette: These guys come from a long line of monsters called “little fierce ones.” It is their heritage and in their very blood to be warlike. Generations of Blitherish offspring have begun battles with neighboring tribes who were accused of stealing their cherished family treasures. Most likely they were right, because most of the time, that is exactly what they did – steal from each other. In fact, so many back and forth “exchanges” have taken place over the generations, that they no longer know who originally owned what. Silly, isn’t it? Anyway, today they offer their skills for sale. And, not a moment too soon. As long as they are gainfully employed, peace has a chance to last more than a day or two. Please do your part.

    PROTECTIVE POWERS: Debt Destruction
    BENEFICIAL POWERS:  Stuff Finders

    A complete detailed description of these unique powers at:
  • This ferocious Guardian Monster is called Nasher Nightclaw.
    Personality: Meeting this monster face-to-face is not on my list to do today. Or any day for that matter. Nighttime is his domain and you, fortunately, are not his target*. His unusually aggressive and combative nature guarantees that he is always on guard and ready for a fight.

    Potential Issues: Let’s see… how about sharp teeth, sharp horns, sharp claws and a personality to match. I think that’s enough, how about you?

    Rules of Etiquette: The initial meeting must be set up through the Guardian Monster Guild. Once accomplished, a time is scheduled. With the assistance of Icckelby (a dream-helping monster), a lucid dream moment is created allowing you to see yourself in your dream. Keep in mind that his knight of nightmares requires careful handling and keep a respectful distance. Introduce yourself but do not attempt to shake hands if you wish to keep them. You shouldn’t even be that close! As with most aggressive monsters, bow first to show respect, and then back away slowly. You will need to wake up to break the dream connection. Now, you are ready. He is on alert. Sleep peacefully once again and enjoy your dream time.

    PROTECTIVE POWERS: *Nightmare Destruction
    BENEFICIAL POWERS:  Pain Relief (temporary) 

    A complete detailed description of these unique powers at:
  • This silly-seeming Guardian Monster is called Dilly Fundus.
    Personality: Playful and mischievous by nature, he enjoys surprising others with sudden whistles and toots, which of course can be quite annoying if you happen to be dozing peacefully in the sunshine. Elderly pets in particular are often targets of this type of shenanigans.

    Potential Issues: For the sake of his own amusement he can take playful a bit too far, like hiding favorite toys or jewelry and leaving buzzers and water balloons in unexpected places. You have been warned.

    Rules of Etiquette: I recommend caution before inviting this little monster into your home. He may appear both cute and innocent, but this is just a disguise designed to lull you into ignoring his potentially sneaky behavior. He is happiest (we are too) when he has a lot of work to do and his free time is limited.

    PROTECTIVE POWERS: Distraction Reaction
    BENEFICIAL POWERS:  Imagination Generation

    A complete detailed description of these unique powers at:
  • This Guardian Monster is called Amaraska Icckelbush. Her brother is called Amarisk.
    Personality: A bit on the shy side, Amarisk has a quiet demeanor and only shows his teeth while eating. His sister Amaraska, on the other hand, is much more outgoing and chatty. She is quite proud of her multiple rows of shark-like teeth and flaunts them as often as possible. She may even pretend to yawn as an excuse to flash her mouthful of pearly blue and whites.

    Potential Issues: Amarisk tends to gnaw on wood items (like your furniture) when he is feeling anxious (which is often). Amaraska prefers hard plastics to keep her teeth sharp and polished. She may also begin to chatter if she becomes nervous. I suppose that is better than chewing on fingers or toes, but both issues have been known to cause sudden headaches as well as the urgent need to flee in the person who is unfortunate to be near them when this behavior begins. Fainting has been reported as well.

    Rules of Etiquette: They usually work together as a team. When they present themselves to you, please welcome them in immediately and allow them to move freely within your home. They are looking for good eating spots and will quickly settle down once located. If you approach Amaraska too quickly, she may begin to jabber. Do not worry, she is just feeling a bit excited. If this happens, do not engage her directly in conversation. Simply nod your head and smile, then back away slowly. She will calm down eventually, but may continue mumbling to herself for a short period of time before stopping. Finally, I strongly suggest that you keep a piece of old wooden chair leg and scraps of discarded plastic (the hard stuff) nearby, unless you don't mind your good furniture or dishes being gnawed upon.

    PROTECTIVE POWERS: Indoor Pollution Management
    BENEFICIAL POWERS:  Bliss Creation

    A complete detailed description of these unique powers at:
  • This prideful Guardian Monster is Kaniver Confundicutt.
    Personality: Sneaky and calculating sum up the “charms” of this monster. She is a trickster at heart and enjoys nothing more than leaving her victims in a huddled, befuddled state of confusion. (She finds this most amusing.)

    Potential Issues: This should be obvious, but just in case more explanation is required, here is a list of just some of her personality quirks: 1.) She has no mercy; 2.) She laughs at crying babies; 3.) She thrills for the chase; 4.) She has no fear; 5.) Nervous pleading makes her giggle. Need I say more?

    Rules of Etiquette: Don’t become her “victim.” Immediately upon acquaintance, make sure she knows that you know how amazing she is. She has quite an ego, which needs regular stroking with compliments. No surprise, she never tires of an appreciative audience and will happily return the favor by fending off bothersome troublemakers or persuading you to keep promises you’ve made. I urge caution however before seeking her assistance or you may regret it later.

    PROTECTIVE POWERS: Mind Bedazzlement
    BENEFICIAL POWERS:  Psychedelic Journey

    A complete detailed description of these unique powers at:
  • This Guardian Monster is called Mendota Glimmrich. Her cousin is Mendinka.
    Personality: Silent and shy, they communicate underwater though a series of guttural clicks, hums and whistles. That makes direct conversation quite difficult if not impossible unless you don’t mind putting your head underwater in your bathtub. Body language and hand signals seem to work as a drier alternative.

    Potential Issues: Outside of potential communication problems, they are as sweet as can be.

    Rules of Etiquette: This may sound a bit unusual even for monsters, but symbiotic relationships do exist. An interdependent living arrangement with another monster species evolved eons ago and is in great demand today, particularly among celebrities. However, you must first get past any feelings of queasiness or the experience will not be truly appreciated.

    PROTECTIVE POWERS: Age Erasure (only temporary)
    BENEFICIAL POWERS:  Internal Illumination

    A complete detailed description of these unique powers at:
  • This teeny Guardian Monster is called Ertyl Skeemadala.
    Personality: His diminutive stature compels him to prove his fierceness from time to time. Extremely alert and a bit too serious, he is full of dreams and schemes. This pocket-sized monster doesn’t let anything or anyone get in the way of his grand plans.

    Potential Issues: Excitable and temperamental, he may unexpectedly burst into micro tantrums for no apparent reason. These energetic episodes usually last no longer than a few seconds and can be quite amusing to watch… from a distance.

    Rules of Etiquette: Formal, polite dialogue is highly recommended when conversing directly with this monster, as he takes offense easily. A bow of respect is suggested before any conversation begins. Whatever you do, DO NOT laugh or giggle at his squeaky voice. If you must release a guffaw, try at least to make it sound like a cough. (Heed this warning or you will be sorry). Tail positions: Gentle undulations indicate interest; Limp and lying on the ground indicate boredom; Stiff, straight and vibrating means you have seconds to apologize (even if you do not know what for) OR run for your life.

    PROTECTIVE POWERS: Bully Detection & Eviction
    BENEFICIAL POWERS:  Challenge Motivation

    A complete detailed description of these unique powers at:
  • This Guardian Monster is called Hequesta. She apparently does not have a last name.
    Personality: Thoughtful and serene, this monster spends her time meditating on matters both large and small. Ask her a question, but it may take a while before it appears that she has even heard you. Do not worry, she has. She simply requires time to re-adjust her thinking process in order to reply. It is usually worth the wait.

    Potential Issues: As one might guess, she does not make quick decisions. So, if you are in a hurry, I suggest finding help elsewhere. She may also seem a bit indecisive at first since she feels compelled to deeply explore all angles of a debate or question before expressing herself.

    Rules of Etiquette: Patience is essential when working with this monster. She will not be rushed. Provide a quiet place for her to stand. When introducing yourself, quietly state your name and describe in as great detail as possible your troubling problem. Watch closely for a slight bow, nod or smile. That is all you will see to indicate that she has heard your request. Then, go ahead and make yourself a pot of tea or bake some cookies. Grab a good book, perhaps. Prepare to settle in for the morning or afternoon before receiving your answer

    PROTECTIVE POWERS: Pitfall Avoidance
    BENEFICIAL POWERS:  Guilt-free Inactivity 

    A complete detailed description of these unique powers at:
  • This ornery Guardian Monster is called Pantankerous Prickelback.
    Personality: Alert, like an angry porcupine, his glistening orange-blue quills and barbed tail are at the ready, prepared to skewer any oncoming danger.

    Potential Issues: Accidental shootings are always possible. Try not to be alarmed, his quills are not fatal, just darned uncomfortable. They are meant to deter, deflate, and temporarily incapacitate. You should probably be sitting down when you first meet, so you don’t hurt yourself falling over, just in case you become an unintentional victim.

    Rules of Etiquette: Speak softly and maintain eye contact at all times. Do not turn your back, bend down to tie your shoelaces or, for goodness sake, sneeze if at all possible. This monster is naturally high strung with a built in “itchy trigger finger”, and may shoot you accidentally. His eyes, nose and ears act like highly tuned defense radar, so any violent ACHOO! may activate it.

    PROTECTIVE POWERS: Backward Bodyguard
    BENEFICIAL POWERS:  Love's Arrow  

    A complete detailed description of these unique powers at:
  • This light-hearted Guardian Monster is called Zymer Singelton.
    Personality: She realizes that she may not be the prettiest monster on the block and may even appear frightening to some, but she is a sweet, empathetic soul at heart. If you can get past her scary exterior, you begin to see her true nature, which is compassionate and full of good humor. She is an extraordinary listener, but can tell a good joke if necessary.

    Potential Issues: She becomes a bit clumsy when overly excited, so I recommend keeping your distance, otherwise unintended scratches may result. She may also burst from below into a room if she is not paying attention, which of course, can be quite disruptive and cause unwanted damage to your floors. (This may be why she prefers the outdoors.) I strongly suggest showing her just one spot in your back yard that she is welcome to use for visits. More than that just confuse her and will only make you regret your invitation after you trip on several of her holes, as I have. Make sure it’s a comfortable place for you too, since her visits tend to last for a few hours at a time.

    Rules of Etiquette: Invite her to visit anytime, she’s always ready to listen or chat. A plate of roasted nuckkleberries is the proper food item to offer during her stay. She is an extremely messy eater but try not to stare, she is self-conscious enough. I usually place several open sections of newspaper beneath her dish, so that I can relax and not worry about clean-up later.

    PROTECTIVE POWERS: Lick the Lonelies
    BENEFICIAL POWERS:  Singular Attraction

    A complete detailed description of these unique powers at:
  • This wee Guardian Monster is called Sassacus Pods.
    Personality: She is mysterious to most humans and prefers it that way. She believes that keeps her safe. To her, humans are large, dangerous creatures and although she obliges our desires to dominate the insect world, she actually prefers their company. Insects and rodents are simple beings just trying to make a living after all. Humans, on the other hand, are much too complicated, changing their minds on a whim, making them quite difficult to figure out.

    Potential Issues: Her wee size and multiple legs often cause her to be mistaken for a strange, colorful bug. She is not. She is a full fledged monster and will not be at all happy if you swat at her with a towel or newspaper. If you have made a point of inviting her into your home, please treat her as a welcome guest, not a pest. She does not bite, but may leave you with a house full of flies, mosquitoes and other annoying insects if you aren’t careful or courteous.

    Rules of Etiquette: She may be found in your garden under daisies or other yellow flowers, which is her favorite color. For goodness sake, please do not spray insecticide anywhere nearby if you require her assistance. That goes for inside your house as well. She will not work in any place that is tainted with chemical smells. Clearly and respectfully state which uninvited guests you would like removed and let her work her magic. Lastly, do not call them nasty names, as some of them may be friends of hers.

    PROTECTIVE POWERS: Magical Pest Control
    BENEFICIAL POWERS:  Garden Groupie

    A complete detailed description of these unique powers at:
  • This somber-looking Guardian Monster is called Jalowette Hartfickle.
    Personality: She is guardian of small children and pets. She cannot stand to see pain or distress of any kind and will place herself directly in its path if necessary. Calm and serene, danger does not ruffle her but brings out her fiercely protective nature. A child’s innocent soul must be protected and cared for. A pet’s friendly nature must be rewarded and encouraged.

    Potential Issues: You may feel depressed when you first meet her. That is, until you realize that she is not melancholy at all. Our caffeine-injected, multi-tasking, constantly-striving lifestyles have temporarily blocked our ability to comprehend simple peace of mind. We have forgotten how to “just be.” Don’t freak out. Don’t feel guilty. Slowly, gently open your heart and mind to the concept of peace and allow it to enter.

    Rules of Etiquette: Welcome her into your home with open arms. You are truly lucky to have her join your family. You may notice an immediate sensation of serenity steal over you. That just means that she is already doing her job. Work with her to achieve maximum benefit. You must do your part as well to create and maintain the blissful, joyous atmosphere we all desire.

    BENEFICIAL POWERS:  Peace Activist

    A complete detailed description of these unique powers at:
  • This serious Guardian Monster is called Tickernip Noncenow.
    Personality: Her attitude is as prickly as her expression would suggest. I suppose if your job was to nip people for a living, you’d be a perpetual grump as well. She does not speak…she does not need to. She is a highly focused individual who does not believe in wasting time with such nonsense.

    Potential Issues: She doesn’t always stop when she should…nipping you that is. She takes her job very seriously and may become a bit overly enthusiastic at times.

    Rules of Etiquette: Since you are placing her in vulnerable spots upon your body, you must make an effort to be extra careful when handling her or she may retaliate at a later date. Do not squeeze her too hard as she is very delicate, despite her rather nasty disposition. I suggest gently stroking her scaly back to keep her calm. She may actually purr like a cat if she is pleased. If her enthusiasm to keep you alert becomes a nipping nuisance, a gentle flick of your finger at her head will usually get her attention and make her stop…at least temporarily.

    PROTECTIVE POWERS: Surprise Alert
    BENEFICIAL POWERS:  Personal Nudge

    A complete detailed description of these unique powers at:
  • This lively Guardian Monster is called Quiggles Gaphump.
    Personality: Effervescent best describes this bouncy monster. He plays the role of clown, dancing, laughing and generally making merry all day long.

    Potential Issues: He never gets tired. And while we all love to laugh, we need time occasionally to give our smiling muscles a break. He doesn’t make that easy. If you find yourself laughing to the point of crying or trying to catch your breath, grab a broom immediately, and gently but forcibly shush him out the door. He won’t mind. He may not even notice.

    Rules of Etiquette: Believe it or not, I advise caution before inviting this giggle fiend into your home. Before the laughing and mild hysteria begin, make it clear to him that this is only for a specified period of time. State that time, whether it is for one hour or a particular time on the clock. Once that time is reached, he must leave. For everyone’s sake, including his! He will not take offense, as nothing brings him down. Actually, he must seek sadness elsewhere or he will end up in trouble.

    Sad Swallower
    BENEFICIAL POWERS:  Silly Spreader

    A complete detailed description of these unique powers at:
  • This curious Guardian Monster is called Farfanaut Pheffernick.
    Personality: Friendly to a fault and exceedingly curious to the point of being downright nosey, she enjoys peeking under furniture, opening unlabeled boxes, and going through other people’s sock drawers. She has a voracious appetite for both gossip and the color purple. Given the opportunity, she will bend your ears with more information about your family, friends and neighbors than you would ever wish to know. She might even find out something about you that you didn't even know!

    Potential Issues: Did I mention nosey? I would not advise leaving her alone in your house for longer than 15 minutes at a time unless you wish to have your life examined in great detail. No harm is meant, she simply cannot help herself when insatiable curiosity overwhelms her.

    Rules of Etiquette: Invite her in and by all means be friendly, but do not offer her food of any kind (especially purple) or you raise the risk that she may never leave. She is a homebody at heart and would like nothing better than to settle permanently into a house with lots of unopened boxes and drawers...and purple-colored food.

    PROTECTIVE POWERS: Lie Detection, Abduction Obstruction, Aggression Prevention
    BENEFICIAL POWERS:  Intuition Enhancement

    A complete detailed description of these unique powers at:
  • This colorful Guardian Monster is called Waunakee Rippleskin.
    Personality: Volatile best describes the ever-changing moods of this monster. One minute she is glowing with a sunny smile. The next minute she is grouchy, touchy, sad, exhilarated, etc…

    Potential Issues: Her multiple personalities can be fascinating but exhausting. It’s hard to carry on a conversation when you have no idea who will be showing up to assist you. Never fear. She’s got it under control (most of the time) and can short circuit the babble of voices long enough to hear your question.

    Rules of Etiquette: Approach her carefully with your gaze cast downward. Ask permission to look at her directly as she is quite sensitive to being stared at. Once she has given you her okay, go ahead and look carefully into her eyes. When they stopped shifting color and remain a warm brown, be prepared to discuss your request(s).

    PROTECTIVE POWERS: Family Connections
    BENEFICIAL POWERS: Self Nurturing

    A complete detailed description of these unique powers at:
  • This odd-looking Guardian Monster is called Olawole Oddbodee.
    Personality: Does he care what others (besides his mother) think of him? Not one little bit! He rejoices in his being different. “Go ahead,” he says. “Be blah and boring. Blend in with the crowd.” He is a unique creation and proud of it!

    Potential Issues: Being proud is one thing. Being prideful is another. Occasionally he indulges in his being different a bit too much and becomes downright conceited. As we all know, vanity doesn’t look good on anyone. I find that it is particularly unbecoming on him.

    Rules of Etiquette: He is extremely tall, which can be intimidating when you first approach. Pull yourself together. Find your own inner monster and march right up to him! Stand your ground. He will respect you for it. You will undoubtedly have to look up to have a conversation. (He delights in looking down at others) Be bold and do not hesitate. Declare yourself, before you ask for his help. If you do not greet him in this strong manner, he will most assuredly ignore you. If he has not acknowledged you after a few seconds, take it as a sign that you did not measure up to his standards and back away immediately. If he is feeling particularly annoyed by your wimpy approach, he will, I repeat, will STEP on you!

    PROTECTIVE POWERS: Criticism Deflection
    BENEFICIAL POWERS:  Be Proud Out Loud!

    A complete detailed description of these unique powers at:
  • This frazzled-looking  Guardian Monster is called Rawtaw Phezznert.
    Personality: He is generally a good natured, hard working monster with momentary bursts of extreme frustration few and far between. However, when those rare occasions manifest, you (and everyone else) will know. Alarming shrieks brought on by his impending exhaustion will alert you in plenty of time to quickly sit down somewhere and give him a much needed break.

    Potential Issues: While he is invisible to others, he can stir up quite a bit of wind, depending on the task at hand. There is also the occasional dramatic gasp for air if he is feeling particularly put upon or over-used. This may cause dismay in passersby who will wonder where the sound or breeze came from. Also, if you generally wear your hair up in delicate dos, you might want to reconsider when requiring his services. He has a hard time resisting the urge to “borrow” a few strands to build a nest in early Spring. Shiny hair works wonders in attracting potential mates.

    Rules of Etiquette: Do not make him do all of the work. You must support yourself, using his assistance just to help you maintain your equilibrium. Do not expect him to do heavy lifting. Forcing him to pick you up with no assistance on your part, while possible, will certainly exhaust him over time. He does not appreciate being taken advantage of and will drop you in an instant when someone else comes along who will respect his gracious services.

    PROTECTIVE POWERS: Balancing Act

    A complete detailed description of these unique powers at:
  • This grumpy looking Guardian Monster is called Ulf Shinglefit.
    Personality: Surly. Suspicious. Irritable and sullen. King of the grumps. Not a fun fellow to spend time with.

    Potential Issues: No one is really sure, since no one has taken the time to get to know this disagreeable chap...yet. And who can blame them? He keeps to himself and watches others having fun from a distance. If you get too close, he will either run away or growl at you until you run away. There is a purpose to his attitude however. Discover how it affects his powers.

    Rules of Etiquette: This unhappy guy should not be approached directly. If you would like to make contact, I suggest leaving food, letters and/or flowers at a distance. He may ignore the food and eat the flowers or letters right in front of you out of sheer contempt. Please understand that he is simply testing your desire and willingness to keep trying, because he doesn’t believe that you really want to get to know him. Be patient. As with most crabby folks, something in the past must have hurt them terribly and they believe that they are unlovable and not worthy of kindness or friendship.

    PROTECTIVE POWERS: Grump Projection (Yes, this really is a power.)
    BENEFICIAL POWERS: Compassion Reaction

    A complete detailed description of these unique powers at:
  • This hungry-looking Guardian Monster is called Yityet Meenchu.
    Personality: Not terribly nice, I’m afraid. She is always hungry which makes everything look like a potential meal. In fact, her insatiable appetite requires that she be listed in the very dangerous category, of the Guardian Monster Guild’s book, titled “When Monsters are Beasts” I suppose if you felt the overwhelming need to eat 24/7, you wouldn’t have a peachy personality either.

    Potential Issues: She has not been responsible for the disappearance of any person…yet. As long as a plentiful supply of inanimate foods is available, humans and animals are probably not in danger. However, “safety first” applies in this instance and the rules of etiquette should be carefully read regarding this monster, especially before requesting an initial meeting. Do not attempt direct contact alone. Use the Guardian Monster Guild (GMG) to set it up. Please heed this warning!

    Rules of Etiquette: The GMG is clear about this. She should be called upon for assistance as a last resort, only when life or death is at stake. Otherwise find an alternate means of rescue. A meeting of introduction is arranged in a controlled environment, with you and this monster separated by 12 inches of Plexiglas. It is important that she meet you before you ever call upon her for help. She has an extremely good memory, and your meeting reminds her that she does have a true purpose and is not just a mindless eating machine.


    A complete detailed description of these unique powers at:
  • This intense Guardian Monster is called Viveck Mappkin.
    Personality: She must keep track of vast amounts of data to do her job, so she is not interested in excess chatter or idle gossip that might fog her brilliant, busy mind. Her serious nature can abruptly turn quite grumbly if she is not shown the proper respect, so please make a note of this.

    Potential Issues: Her keen sense of hearing makes her vulnerable to sudden loud noises or distracting sounds. If she feels it necessary, she will fold down her ears and wrap her long arms around her entire body in a protective fashion, blocking out all sound, sight and smell. This can be unfortunate if you happen to be lost and need to get somewhere in a hurry. Soothing music or gentle humming can break through however, and help her come out of her self imposed shell of silence, but be patient and do not rush this process. Keep her surroundings quiet and she will provide the information that you need.

    Rules of Etiquette: Serious monsters necessitate good manners. She is here to do a job and means business. No messing around. Do not even consider playing a joke on her. She may have many senses but a sense of humor is not among them. Ask her for directions in a clear, direct way and she will do her absolute best to find you an answer. She will even assist with the actual driving if asked. Simply allow her to sit in your lap and hand over the steering wheel to her capable arms. You will still be in charge of the stopping and starting since her legs are too short to reach the pedals.

    PROTECTIVE POWERS: Driving Deliverance

    A complete detailed description of these unique powers at:
  • This mysterious Guardian Monster is called Xylch Underland.
    Personality: I have learned from one fortunate person, who has gone a little further down the path, that it communicates telepathically. Even then it doesn’t say much. Just soothing sounds designed to help you relax and remain calm during this potentially frightening journey.

    Potential Issues: This monster has been known to appear unexpectedly on occasion, which can of course cause all manner of alarm and anxiety if you are not expecting that kind of visit. It may, in fact, materialize for just a brief moment and then disappear. Please pay close attention if that occurs. Get yourself to a doctor at once or start finalizing your important papers, say goodbye to loved ones and begin to prepare yourself for the mysterious passage ahead.

    Rules of Etiquette: I am guessing here, but recommend that you should be on your best behavior and do whatever it requests of you. Don’t be a pest and ask all kinds of questions. If you are meant to go on this journey, all will eventually be made clear.

    Mystery Guide
    BENEFICIAL POWERS:  Life Changer

    A complete detailed description of these unique powers at: